Loving the skin you're in...

Some hard truths

Many years from now, when my kids read this, they will probably have a very hard time rationalizing the mom in this post from the mom who drives them to school. We all have different journeys and we are each living our own truths. I'd like to be able to say that I was always comfortable with who I am but that's not the case and that is a hard truth. I'm sure we'd all love to be able to say that we've always made good decisions and have no major regrets and that we have nothing to fear from life and the world in general....but that's not always the case and that's a hard truth. I'd love to be able to say that I've always had as much faith in God as he has in me but I know that's not the case...and for me that's a very hard truth. 

But I started this blog journey so that I could see growth spiritually and mentally, forgetting that I had already grown so much. Most of my growth has come from some dynamic people being introduced into my life. It's been said that you never truly know what your beliefs are until you see them challenged. For me, that challenge has come from a lot of places and people who at one time I'm sure I prayed would just leave alone. But as they say...God has a plan. 

Being comfortable in my own skin

People who see me today or who have met me recently would undoubtedly tell you I'm confident in myself, strong in my beliefs and have a smart mouth...that I get a lot. There was a time though, when I would have given anything to fade into the background and go with the flow. Where to begin...ah

This might be awkward for you to read but no less awkward in the telling. I come from a well endowed family. At the age of 14, I had the body parts of a 1940's pinup with the fragile sensibility of a teenage girl. For some people, this might seem like a huge blessing, but I spent the better part of my highschool years wishing I was flat chested and skinny. I'm sure the other side wishes the reverse, but they've never been on the receiving end. Imagine if you can, at the age of 14 being leered at by grown men, no matter how demure your clothing was. Imagine buying it a size or even two sizes too large to attempt to look more modest. Imagine people making the assumption that you were loose because of your body type. Imagine, if you can, having a crush on an older boy and him paying attention to you only to realize that he hadn't listened to anything you'd told him because he'd been staring so hard at your rack. I mean I could give you a dozen examples of how it sucked. And it sucked for me especially because I've always been in advanced classes. Smart girls aren't supposed to be stacked or voluptuous I guess. As much as I was blessed with my body, I felt trapped by it. I was scared to run or be athletic in gym class because boys whistled and hooted when I ran and I got so embarrassed I'd cry. At 14...that's unbearable.  

I didn't begin to like my body until I joined the Navy. Suddenly...my body worked for me. Like..really worked. I saw women of all shapes and sizes and they were kicking tail! Of course, it helped that if a boy looked your way he would get beaten into submission. Thanks for that Navy. I became strong and realized for the first time that my body didn't have to be a cage. The Navy started it...but my kids....my kids finished my body image revolution. Pregnancy is an experience unlike any other. My body grew these kids and gave birth to them and when I held my son in my arms and began to nurse I felt my body image problems melt away. Suddenly...these burdens that had always drawn eyes now fed my baby. They comforted him and bonded us together. And now... they still draw eyes but I don't mind. Those eyes are seeing a powerful bond between mother and child. They're seeing a strength and focus and power that I have inside of me. They're seeing me. 

Make good decisions

I think as parents we'd all like to be able to say that we raised decent human beings. As hard as we try we can still end up with a kid who grows up to pull a Miley Cyrus. I assume that when my kids read this, she will no longer be relevant but who knows...twerking may be vogue in 2050? See the thing is... I think we should all be prepared for a period of stupid decisions. My kids may surprise me and always walk the straight and narrow...but their dad did have a tongue piercing and dye his hair blond with spikes ( it was the 2000's don't hold it against him) and their mother ... listen if you really want to know...come find me and we'll talk. I hope they don't falter...but I also plan on being honest with my kids when they ask me about things I've done. When we catch them underage drinking and ground them and they holler at me "You've never done anything fun in your life" I may sit down and tell them about the time I woke up and couldn't find my keys or shoes and had to tiptoe around my friends house at 5 am searching. That might be funny. But the honest is going to be raw at some point. We're going to touch on things that I'm ashamed of or regret or wish had never happened. I'm going to be honest because I think that our darkest moments have the potential to produce the most growth. I know that some of the most profound things I've ever learned from my mom have come from some of her most raw, honest stories. I understand now things about my mom in raising us that I never would have before kids. I'm not sure why my mom didn't choke me until I turned blue sometimes....but that's a tale for another day. 

The most important thing 

I love my mother in law. Between her and my mom I have so much inspiration for meaningful parenting. She once told me that when she was younger she wasn't the Christian she is today. I think that's true of a lot of us. We see a lot of things in the world and we think...God should fix this. But I think the biggest eye opener for my relationship with God came once I became a parent. Think of the most famous bible verse you know... maybe John 3:16..."For God so loved the World that he gave his one and only son"...

I cannot imagine how gut wrenching it would be to knowingly send your child into what is essentially a war zone, knowing he was going to be brutally slaughtered all so mankind could have some kind of redemption. I don't know that I could do it...but it's powerful. And I approach my relationship with God by trying to make it my relationship with humanity and the example I set for my children. I want them to be kind, courageous and selfless. I want them to be a living, breathing example of the grace of God on earth. God so loved the world...the entire world...not the world minus the gays or the world minus the murderers or the world minus the guy who broke your heart in 10th grade. I've learned that I don't get to decide where God works or how he works. I only know that I can let God work through me. I read a book once called The Shack where a man got to spend a weekend with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Throughout the story the man confronts God about all the awful things that happen in the world, including the murder of his child. What we don't get is that if you believe in God, you believe we are all his children. As a parent, when my children make mistakes it hurts me because I know they can do better, but at some point I have to let them live their own lives. It's not in my power to shield them from everything. I just hope that they trust in their parents enough to let us help lead them. And though there may come a period of doubt or weakening of faith, I know that God will eventually bring them home. I have faith that in their journey, my children have the ability to touch countless lives by being genuinely good people. That opens the door. To love one another as Christ loves us can change the world. 

And if they get bogged down by all the evils in the world...I'll just tell them what J.R.R Tolkein told me 

“I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo.
"So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

5 Things you should never say to parents of young children

The list

As a mom...there are some things I hear on a near daily basis. They were funny at first. Then they were kinda irritating. Now I go into full blown inner howler monkey mode when I hear people say these things. Let me preface this list by saying that it's not so much the phrase as the spirit of intent behind it. Someone could say one of these things perfectly innocuously and not mean anything by it. Yet, I've learned through this journey that sometimes people can hide a lot of malice behind "nice" words. I've had people say some of these things and been perfectly kind and polite too. But, as with most things in life, it's better to err on the side of caution. And really...if you remember what it's like raising kids you know that some days you are hanging by the skin of your teeth. Some days..the kids are winning and you're half a step away from tossing your child out of a moving vehicle in front of their grandparent's driveway and hauling butt for the interstate. Somedays you're on top of the world...but on the offchance that it's an "interstate dash" kind of day...don't say these things to parents

5. "You've got your hands full"...

This one I get at least once a day. Usually on the coattails of the person seeing me struggling to open the door to the car or the grocery store or the restaurant while frantically trying to peel my screeching toddler from my legs, keep the pacifier in the baby's mouth and find my car keys or wallet or another miscellaneous item ...ALL AT THE SAME TIME. I think sometimes it might be people looking for an opening to help, but someone our society has collectively adopted a massive case of stranger danger so we'd rather see a one mom circus than offer to open a door or hold a bag. Listen, I'm not about to hand someone one of my kids or my wallet for goodness sake, but I don't think Johnny randompants is going to take off with my box of organic cheerios gleefully shouting "There's a sucker born every minute" if I take him up on his offer to grab something. Most of the time, if there's an offer of help, I politely decline if I'm in good enough shape. But let me tell you something....on the "interstate dash" days ...when I hear someone say "You've got your hands full" after I watched them watch me struggle to open the door to a restaurant and I know they can see me about to drop one of my squirming children/bags/phone/keys and they smugly utter that phrase...I honestly want to hand my kids to a perfect stranger and have a mini hunger games in the parking lot. 

4. "Sounds like someone is cranky" ...

This one usually gets dropped by malicious people. In fact, I think I've heard this uttered sincerely about half a dozen times in my life. It's a person's way of saying " Your child is a walking catastrophe and is ruining my day". Listen...can we just...can we take a minute here and have a come to Jesus moment? Okay...here's a secret...us parents didn't have a tent meeting one day and just decide to bring our kids into public and then prod them into having a tantrum for the sole purpose of wallowing in pleasure as we watch you non kid having foks self-desruct. If I can be painfully honest for a moment, it drives me insane when my toddler melts down. I do not like to attract public scrutiny. I do not argue in public, I don't have screaming matches at Wal-mart...it's just not my style. It's quite embarrassing for me when poor D has a tantrum because he's tired or ill or any other number of reasons. The difference is that I know its developmentally on target. He's 19 months...not 19 years. He can't express what he wants or needs. He can't tell me he wants a nap or that he's upset or that his head hurts. If I play 20 questions I might be able to get him to sign that he's thirsty but by that time, I could also be done shopping. At some point, we parents figured out that it's easier and faster to get in and out. I get that it's not fun to hear a child screaming, but kids have tantrums for dozens of reasons. I can't and won't live like a hermit for fear of a public tantrum. I'll get to my car and have as much of a candid conversations as I can with my child and try to get to what he's trying to express but doesn't have the words. 

3. "Isn't he/she a little old for that"...

To be honest, I haven't gotten this one a lot. I know that I will though because I plan on breastfeeding my daughter until at least 1 and who knows...maybe longer. Now before you go all "You're scarring your child for life" on me, I'll have you know that the World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding until at least 1 while the American Academy of Pediatrics says until at least 2. Now if you don't want to do that, good for you. I don't want to go too deeply into the whole Mommy debate because quite frankly, It ain't my kid. I don't care what you do with your kids as long as it isn't harmful to them. Seriously though...I don't understand why so many people give a hoot about what other people do with their kids. If breastfeeding a toddler isn't in your game plan okay...but why do you care if I do it or Mary down the block or Tina over in Vermont? It's not your kid. Parenting is a different journey for everyone and I don't expect people to identify with what I do if it's not their style. Our baby sleeps in bed with us because I breastfeed her 4-5 times a night and frankly I'm a little too lazy to stay up and nurse her in a rocking chair. I'm tired. If you see a kid with a binkie or a bottle or a diaper or whatever and they seem too old? Let it go and mind your own business. It's not your child. It isn't as though if you say something about it, that parent will have some great revelation and follow your advice. I've got news for you, parenting is a sensetive issue and telling someone they might be developmentally screwing their kids isn't going to win you any friends. It's more likely to hugely backfire and blow up in your face. 

2. "Oh well my kid..." 

Listen, this is for my fellow parents. Or past parents because I've heard people with grown kids use this too. Mostly it's used in a sort of 'mine is better than yours' way. I do not care what your kids did developmentally or when it happened. If little Suzie spoke in full sentences at 2 months that's crazy impressive...but it doesn't affect me or my children. I'm genuinely interested in hearing where kids are at  or hearing funny stories about milestones or hearing stories about family members growing up. What I'm not interested in hearing is your brag list so you can make a dig at someone. I don't know if you know this or not...milestones aren't really a huge indicator or intelligence. Some kids are just good at walking. They walk early and they fall...a lot. Some kids go from crawling everywhere one day to walking the very next day. They study and plan until they know they can do it successfully. It's all a matter of degrees. Declan comes from two very analytical/math/sciencey minds. He's not really very verbal now and it's not a huge shock. Both of his parents are analytical thinkers. He may be like my friend's brother and just not want to talk to people. His mom found him talking to himself in full sentences in a closet at age 3. Some kids are like that. The point being, don't use your kids and their development as some sort of competetive edge. Your child is a human being, separate from you with their own thoughts, feelings and emotions. They deserve your respect every bit as much as an adult and when you hijack them and their accomplishments in order to put someone else down and a child at that, it diminishes so much the value of those accomplishments. 

1. "He/she is so spoiled"...

I love it when people say this to me. It started from the first month Declan was alive. First it's the looming warning..."Don't go rush to him every time he cries or you'll spoil him". Then it's "Let him cry for a while or you'll spoil him" . Then it's "You can't hold him/ hug him/ play with him/ give him what he wants all the time or it'll spoil him". 

First of all...ahahahahahaha wooo ahahahahaha haha hahah ahahhaah ...oh man ...hold on there I think I got a side cramp from laughing so hard. Do you understand how crazy that sounds? You can't spoil a child with love. From the moment they are born, you have given your heart and soul to a child that you chose to bring into the world. All they know is your love. Your smiles. Your singing. Your hugs. Your warm cuddles. Your bath time/playtime/feeding time. You see...to a baby...those things are all expressions of your love. To a toddler ...those are all expressions of your love. I find it incredibly ironic that our society teaches us to force independence on our children from infancy but we hover over them in adulthood. I'm not saying you should bow to every whim of your child. My kid can want a hot fudge sunday until the cows come home but he's not getting one. I also don't arbitrarily say no and leave it at that. I take the time to explain why he cannot have one and give him a hug and send him on his way and 5 minutes later he's eating dirt and chasing the dog and having a grand old time. 

Most people make the assumption a child is spoiled because they throw a tantrum for wanting something. Developmentally, that's pretty natural. Obviously you don't want to foster that behavior but it's something to work on. My 19 month old can't tell me he wants a snack so he gestures and intonates loudly to get my attention. What you see as a tantrum is likely a child getting incredibly frustrated that he can't make you understand what he needs or wants. There are some children who are given everything they want. That's probably wrong but it's not my kid. Those are also older children who can reason and think and manipulate. Telling a parent they've spoiled their child is telling them they've done something wrong. It's telling them that giving love and reassurance and attention to a child is wrong. Call me crazy if you will but I just think if kids know without a shadow of a doubt that you love them and you're beside them no matter what that they can trust you...they will come to you with their questions and they'll rely on you for support and they won't seek external validation from negative sources. So you can call my kids spoiled if you'd like, but I'm going to tell you one thing....my children will never ever doubt my love for them and if that's spoiling them...guilty as charged!

Mother, O Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing, make up the bed,
Sew on a button and butter the bread.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I've grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,
Lullabye, rockabye, lullabye loo.
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peek-a-boo

The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew
And out in the yard there's a hullabaloo
But I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo
Look! Aren't his eyes the most wonderful hue?
Lullabye, rockaby lullabye loo.

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep

-Unknown

Strong Moms, Strong Daughters

Time to meet Evie Grace 

I introduced you to my son in a previous blog and I think it's about time you meet the newest addition to the Nerd herd. Evangeline Grace Savela. She was born on March 29, 2013 after a hard 42 hours of labor. We pulled out every trick in the book to get this little girl here and it's been a journey. 

Evie's first four months of life haven't been the easiest learning curve. Her dad is in the Navy so by necessity he was gone for the first three months, leaving just 4 days after she was born. And though I try to be the best mom I can, spreading yourself over two kids and acting as both parents isn't the easiest task to accomplish. People tell me all the time "I don't know how you do it" and the truth is, our family does this because we have no choice. We succeed, we make it through the days and we persevere because defeat is not an option. That winning smile right there is a balm to my soul. Can you tell my kids come by their dimples honestly? 

The truth about this little girl is that she makes me very introspective. I've never been a popular girl. I embrace my geekiness and wear it proudly. I embrace the fact that I'm intelligent and that I'm bookish. I embrace my tomboy characteristics and my brash, bold mouth because I learned a long time ago that if you can't love yourself, you can never expect anyone else to either. Parenting in general is making me question a lot of things I never expected to question. 

Raising a young woman

If you think there isn't a difference between raising boys and girls, you may want to skip this next section. *SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER FEMENISM ALERT FEMENISM ALERT SPOILER SPOILER

Okay sorry...feminism has been given a totally bad rap, much like other things, because of the extremists. I am a feminist. To me that means that I believe in equal pay for equal work. I believe that the worth of a person shouldn't be based on the ability to procreate. I believe men and women are intellectual equals. I know that women are still paid $.70 on the dollar to what a man makes for the same work and I find that disgusting. If you don't think that women are at a distinct disadvantage from the outset I'd invite you to look at the 3 biggest enemies to women that I see: the  media,  magazines, and ourselves. 

I hate reality television with a passion. No...I'm not talking about some of the cutesie shows on TLC like Little Couple or 19 kids and counting...I'm talking to you MTV. First of all let me say that teen pregnancy is a reality in this country. It's tough but its true. But whoever thought was a brilliant idea to pay and film teenagers who got pregnant to "show how hard it was" is an idiot. If you want a litmus test for the success of that show in PREVENTING pregnancy, check out how many of its cast members got pregnant again within 2-3 years. Quite a few...just so you know. And you know what sickens me about that show? It doesn't show the other side of the coin....the moms who decided that they couldn't given their children the life they wanted and gave them to another family to raise. My older sister is probably one of the bravest people I know. She became pregnant at age 18 and made a very tough decision to give her son a better life with another family. I remember thinking that I don't know how anyone could do that and I'm sure she got more than her share of criticism. But these shows with pregnant teens don't show how hard raising a kid is. The grandparents raise the children and the baby daddy is off in left field doing lord knows what. One time in the shows history, they taped a girl who gave her baby up. To me...that's a travesty. You know what's worth filming? People like my sister, who I watched hand her son over to be raised by another family with tears in her eyes and a prayer in her heart that he would always remember how much she loved him. And don't mistake me, this is NOT a critique of teen parents. I respect the heck of of teen parents who make the sacrifices. But let's be honest...we are not our best selves at 17 and one day your kids are going to see this....is Teen MOMS the legacy you want to leave? 

Besides that we have Toddlers and Tiaras. Again ...no disrespect to pageant peformers but let's be honest with ourselves. Those kids are not learning anything. I've seen the show. The kids are not having fun. They're exhausted, emotionally stunted, and being pushed to perform. Let's not even talk about the sexualized costumes like Dolly Parton or the hooker costume from Pretty Woman. Putting all that aside let's talk about how the Mom's coach the little girls and they're petty to one another. Let's talk about the layers of spray tan and make-up and the adult themes and the abundance of poor decision making. What do these shows teach my daughter? That her only value lies in her ability to produce children and that she is not beautiful without layers of make-up and pretty clothes? It's not the t.v's job to raise our kids. I know that. But can we be a little bit responsible about the message we're putting out there for the world to see? 

Catfights and Cosmo

Alright. Time for a little confessional here. I know that I've used this phrase before "I get along with boys so much better. Girls are just crazy". Haven't we all? Do we even know where it comes from anymore? I've met some crazy women...for sure, but no less proportional than the number of guys who ought to be professional jerk bags. Woven through our culture is this idea that women can't trust one another...or their own voices or their own strength. We have raised our daughters to forget the wisdom of our past generations. Woman have forgotten the strength we have as a group. We've forgotten the tremendous self worth and unity and solidarity we have when fighting the same battle. It's true that I haven't had an abundance of female friends and when you look to thinks like reality t.v. that glorifies that sort of scrappy female on female fighting is it any wonder? 

I want my daughter to trust in her own voice. I want her to trust in her body...that she knows what is best for her, that she can bring forth life and embrace change, that she can rely on her community of women to help her, that she can nurture and comfort and won't be judged for her decisions based on her reproductive equipment. Women are our own worst enemy. In seeking to promote change, sometimes we forget we have a common goal. Women have strengths across the board. If one day Evie wants to be a corporate tycoon and change the world I support her 100%...but that's no less than  I would support her if she decides to become as stay at home mom, or yoga instructor or school teacher because in doing any of those things she will also change the world. She changes the world just by being her and being alive. 

I want her to know that just because all the magazines have skinny women and 25 tips to drive your man wild in bed, she is no less of a woman if she's a size 16 and her worth is not measured by her ability to sexually gratify another human being. I want her to know that if a man deserves her body he will have first learned to love her soul. I want her to know that she has so much potential to explore and be and do. I want her to know it's okay to be smart. It's good to question and wonder and think. I want her to know that women are strong. I want her to know she comes from a line of strong women and that I will be proud of her no matter what. 

I think though, in some ways...these are things that I will have to tell her on a daily basis. Being a girl means being the emotional center of a family. Even at 4 months old, Evie lives in a much higher state of anxiety than her brother. She's always looking and emoting so much that I know she gets things. She may be like her mother, and experience some things with such profound emotional depth that she cries and can't explain why she's crying. She may be like her Aunt B and love fiercely and independently and give her whole heart because that's the only way she can love...all the way. She may be like her Mimi and be a pillar of strength for her family, imbuing her daughters with the selfsame confidence and vitality that she has in abundance. 

Mostly though, I hope she gets a lot from her dad. I hope she is comfortable in her skin like he is. I hope she loves completely and shows it in all of her actions as he does. I hope she has the same happiness and effervescent joy that her dad and brother share. I hope she knows how much he loves her and that he values her mind, body and soul. I hope she inherits his sense of humor and can laugh at herself. I hope she embraces her intelligence and our love of all things oddball. I hope she can recite Star Wars episodes IV-V1( because the other three didn't happen) and quote Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter in love letters and I hope she finds someone who will do all the things for her that her father has done for me. I hope she finds her Dan. 

Be gentle with your requests....I'm raising a nerd herd

The nerd herd hates cars

I hate traveling...more than cleaning, cooking, diapering and shopping with no money combined. Why do I hate traveling? Take a look at the back seat of my car on any given day and I'm sure you can figure it out. It doesn't take a rocket surgeon. You see...back there amidst the battle field of disfigured goldfish crackers and teddy grahams, the piles of blankets and binkies and sippy cups and toy giraffes that cost $23.99 at Baby's R Us....there are two children who absolutely loathe riding in car seats. Perhaps it is the the urge to run  naked that consumes my eldest all day long or his fascination with Mickey Mouse Clubhouse that drives his angst or perhaps it is the little one's incessant need to be held, loved on and chatted to every waking moment of our lives....who can say? The point is that these two kids hate infant safety devices with a fiery passion and have no problem letting you, me and the surrounding 15 cars on the highway know about their disgruntled state of being...which makes for excellent driving music by the way. 

As much as I hate traveling though, it's a necessary way of life. I can't go on strike from the car. I need to go to the store and to walk and to do things that help me retain my sanity. Little car trips aren't usually so bad though. It's the 6 hour trek home to Dallas that blows or the 3 1/2 hour trip to Disney. And I hate that because I love those places! And the kids love their grandparents and aunties and we love going back to church there. If they  ever perfect "beaming me up" and make it safe for kids...I'll be all over that like white on rice in a glass of milk on a paper plate in a snowstorm. There is a whole host of things I'd rather do than sit in a car for that long with my kids. Some of them include: 

• Attempting to baptise a cat
• Working on calculus problems for funsies
• filling a cavity with no novocaine
• Tweezing my leg hair individually
• Eating all my meals, regardless of consistency, with a straw

People forget what it's like

One of the most difficult things for me to get over as a parent now is people telling me how things "aren't so bad".  Sometimes they point out how they didn't have such and such back in the day. They did x, y and z and it was way harder. Listen...don't compare your chapter 35 to my chapter 7. I have no idea what it's like to live, work and raise kids in 1923. I have to work with what I have now and maybe it was 100 times harder when you were raising your kids but I don't know that. I have to work with the scale I have now and you know what? Sometimes I want to imbibe copious amounts of margaritas when I hear that a long car drive is around the bend. Is it worth it? Absolutely! I love my family and I wish we lived closer because my kids have got some kick butt grandparents and aunties and uncles. 

And we're just talking about a car drive here. What about airplanes? Yeah...I see you all looking around suddenly staring at your shoes. Do you know how much I dread getting on a plane. That's a flying death trap with my hyperactive toddler in it and no way out. I can't let him run around or scream or shake his head or eat his weight in goldfish because all Delta has is cookies, nuts and canned beverages. This leads to a screaming kid. Do yo know what kids like? Routine...they love routine because they know that after dinner comes bathtime and after bathtime comes bedtime and they know what's coming and it's not a shock and their world doesn't collapse and the skies don't fall because they know they're getting yogurt at dinner and will get to watch two episodes of MMC before bed. When you throw off the routine, chaos ensues. Toddlers are running the aisles setting fire to luggage and throwing peanuts at people who are allergic and the flight attendants are hollering and suddenly you're being molested by TSA agents while getting shot with rubber bullets by an air marshall and all you wanted to do was visit your relatives on the other coast. 

But always...always I get the people who think it should be that easy to just snap your fingers and go. Traveling with kids is packing certain snacks because your toddler has a discerning palette. It's making sure you have extras of everything and his favorite toy because he won't sleep without it. It's gathering all the medicines and the emergency DVDs to stave off the tantrum. It's diapers and toys and clothes and toiletries. It's packing yourself a small bag and praying you can get all of your child's precious items there and back. It's leaning over the carseat breastfeeding while driving 70 mph down the highway. It's coffee every 3 hours and praying constantly "God...just get us there safely and quickly and I promise I'll never say the terrible things I'm thinking out loud to my children." 

Plato once said "Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle".  Things are hard for all of us and a lot of times I think we forget that. The message at church this Sunday was a really good reminder for me because Brian was abundantly clear about us not being promised no hard times and quoted John 16:33. " I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart. I have overcome the world". The whole underlying theme of course was making Christ the center of our lives. My husband and I always have really deep discussions on the way home from visiting family and I love that aspect of trips. It's time that I really value in my marriage because it shows me how much we've grown as a couple and parents. On the way home this past time we discussed our kids a lot and how we want to intentionally raise them. We want to be better at saying grace at meals because Poppy Tony says blessed food tastes better (it's true...Dan said he could taste it).  We want to say prayers at bedtime and show our kids that God works through everything. And it hit me as I got to unpacking that the little paper they give us when we pick our kids up from Church that right there was a tool to help my travel problems and my Christ-centrification. They have these activities to help you work God into conversation with your toddler. It occurs to me that maybe I'm looking at this wrong. I mean...I'm not deluded...long travel is going to suck no matter what...but what if I can take those moments of calm and use it to talk about really meaningful things, like how God works in our lives or how to treat people kindly or how to eat all our vegetables. What if I can transform our time in the car to a place where open, honest discussion can happen. I might be idealistic but if the car becomes a safe zone where we talk about things that matter, I might begin to hate it less. I might not ever grow to love it. But maybe I can come to the place where insanity meets calm and sit on the fence proudly.